Alright, world. I am going to do something for you. I am going to give you a sneak peek at my book in progress called The Phoenix Chronicles. As I do with any blog, I do want to remind you, reader, to be aware that there may be content that is triggering. My works typically revolve around the topic of trauma, civil rights, deconstruction, mental illness, abuse, and other factors. Please consider all of this before proceeding.
And now, without further ado, here is Chapter One: Living in Truth:
Authenticity is one of the several factors that play into the wholeness we wish to manifest. What do I mean when I say we must live in truth? Many people still struggle to define what truth is or ignore certain information to soften the blows of the true magnitude of the suffering we have experienced as a human race. We attempt to rectify the misdeeds of our ancestors by blaming them without the accountability of our actions. Many choose to ignore the pain caused by our society’s transgressions today. The system created in the United States (a.k.a. capitalism) only serves the elite’s elite.
The choice to colonize our nation creates a fabricated idea of what life is. Amid capitalism, politicians began recruiting in the church, knowing that evangelicals held firmly to their faith. As a result, the church’s teachings went from being centered on the teachings of Jesus to shaping scripture to fit the agenda of keeping the rich rich and the poor poor. To understand further, we must go back.
In the era of slavery, many churches shaped scripture to fit the idea that ownership of human lives was acceptable to God. While many may see why that is incorrect, there was an initial intent to dehumanize Black people by creating a picture that robbed our fellow humans of their humanity. When slave owners began accepting slaves as property and not fellow humans, the idea of mistreating them seemed not to be so convicting. There were few churches in the era of slavery that were anti-racist. The abolition of slavery in the United States led to white supremacists finding new ways to target Black lives via the thirteenth amendment:
“Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.”
From the moment the thirteenth amendment was born, there was already intent on ensuring that people of color remain under the thumb of white men. Thus, the thirteenth amendment created the schema of how we view criminals today. The “tough on crime” sentiment has racist overtones because we have dehumanized our fellow men by attaching the word “criminal” to their existence. Once we realize how politics manipulated our habitat to ensure the success of the most elite, we can come to understand why our history shapes and grooms our opinions now.
I find Black Christians tend to have a better understanding of the teachings of Jesus. I find they understand oppression by living it. They cannot deny their own experiences and hold to a truth they know exists. I have seen many white Christians antagonize the Black church by saying they don’t “agree with their teachings,” that “just because someone is a pastor doesn’t make him a real Christian.” To defy the teachings of the Black church simply because they resonate with unconditional love is not living in truth. To disregard the teachings of the Black church because they do not always accompany what purity culture demands is not living in fact. It is attacking what is different from you. While Black Christians may understand and validate that racism exists, there is still a struggle with oppression in the church.
Misogyny is another truth of the unsafe church that has led down a rabbit hole of oppression. Women are held responsible for how men behave. Women continue to learn that they are the property of their husbands. We know to be ashamed of our bodies, to adhere to what our cis-male partners demand. We learn to be so modest that our bodies must experience discomfort to adhere to the male gaze. The patriarchal church coerces us into submission. Patriarchy in the church teaches us to consent to abuse done to us. We cannot identify it as abuse because the whole system conditions its followers to be dependent, not question authority, to shut our mouths. We learn to hate ourselves because we are wicked. The story of Adam and Eve is weaponized against women. We are only seen as clean if we deny ourselves our urges and pleasures. We begin to hate ourselves, our bodies, and when we struggle with this, conservative Christians tell us that we must not be faithful if we give in to “temptation.”
Many times, church and family members told me that my relationships must be “equally yoked.” It seems as if most church-goers prefer for me, or anyone, to be in a relationship where we believe Jesus is our lord and savior. It is not too comforting when realizing that others would prefer I be with a cis hetero man who has “Christian” stamped to their forehead than to be with someone empathetic and understanding to my struggles with mental illness. This idea of being “equally yoked” led me into relationships with unfitting partners. Purity and church culture taught me to be submissive; therefore, it appeared the world would rather I experience abuse by a “Christian” man than to be truly loved by any person. Whether my partner expresses unconditional love, I have often felt that the world prefers a Christian relationship despite any harm it may cause me.
People still do not accept homosexuality. Homophobia was born through hatred of women and femininity. A man who resembled a woman in any way was heavily criticized. Same-sex attraction was seen as a despicable trait. Only women were attracted to men in the eyes of the oppressor. When we speak of “sinful” behaviors in the bible, there is more focus on monitoring our behavior than the motivation behind that behavior. In 1946, American translators changed the original translation in the bible to “homosexual.” The term initially indicated sexual acts of adult men to young boys or were sexual acts that ignored or intended harm to others. There is a vast difference between two consenting adults engaging in sexual activity and rape. One is an exploration of the body made for us, and the other is a selfish intention that disregards the safety of others. In the original sense, any sexual act performed by people out of procreation alone, the church, and society perceived as evil.
When the HIV/AIDS pandemic hit the United States in the ’80s and ’90s, many conservative Christians deemed this the “gay plague.” Unfortunately, many choose to ignore that the beginning of the HIV/AIDS spread was not the responsibility of the gay community but colonization. Settlers attempted to colonize other nations, and when we try to modify standards in unfamiliar environments, we may experience sickness. Colonizers traveled to conquer the land, control women, consume food and air unknown to them, and HIV/AIDS was born amidst this. Therefore, HIV/AIDS and its evolution were at no fault of the gay community but colonization.
Truth comes from knowing facts indeed, but also from acknowledging the signals from your body and mind. The harm the LGBTQIA+ community does to itself when we deny our true selves harms more than the individual. A gay man raised in the church likely believes that he must remain celibate for his entire life or be married to a woman, both of which are harmful. If we are to believe in a divine creator, then we acknowledge that we are the creation. Genesis 1 comes before Genisis 3:
“Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good.” – Genesis 1:31, NKJV.
The universe was created good; therefore, it cannot be evil. We are the individual and beautiful creation, and purity culture teaches us that our refusal to indulge in the life handed to us is positive. We learn that we are inadequate, sinful, horrid, that we deserve to be mistreated and abused. We know to modify our behaviors, so we may be given a sense of worth instead of trusting that we have always had value. Our attractions and identity must maintain their authenticity. We were created to experience a spectrum of relationships. Romantic and sexual love are part of the human experience. To deny ourselves this love when our bodies demand it (because many of us are also asexual or aromantic and may not require that love), we restrict our truth. These are qualities only we as individuals may explore for ourselves. Still, toxic church culture often denies us the ability to ask questions or learn about ourselves outside of modifying our identities.
Instead of casting shame on ourselves and our bodies, we may learn self-compassion. Our thoughts are not always “correct,” but specific ideas evoke certain emotions. When we experience our feelings, self-awareness comes through finding the source. For example, if we experience sadness from thought, we may choose to stay here or begin to ask ourselves why this thought made us sad.
I studied in undergraduate school to be a music educator. In one of my education courses, I learned Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (which I later found Maslow stole this concept from the Blackfoot Siksika nation in 1938). To manifest our highest selves and achieve self-actualization, we have tiers of needs that we must first meet. From the bottom to the top level of this hierarchy, these needs are as follows: physiological (i.e., air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction), safety (i.e., personal security, employment, resources, health, property), love and belonging (i.e., friendship, intimacy, family, sense of connection), and esteem (i.e., respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, and freedom). For us to aspire to the next tier up, we must meet the ones below it.
This concept becomes muddled once we attempt to achieve a sense of belonging. Many of us tend to throw away the tiers that came below it to reach fellowship, which more often than not forces us to devalue our safety. We sacrifice our authentic selves to receive conditional love. What we fail to acknowledge is the necessity to meet our security on our path of belonging. We become strangers to ourselves and modify who we are to trick ourselves into believing that others are showing us care when abusing us.
We must also acknowledge the importance of aiding our community. No one can reach self-actualization without society meeting our most basic needs. It would be irresponsible to ignore how the elite and colonizers (i.e., white supremacists) have established a system to ensure the oppressed continue to be robbed of their most basic needs, ensuring that they fail. Decolonization and deconstruction of the church must coincide. As responsible human beings, only the most ignorant could ignore the relationship between the two.
“Then he said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” – Luke 9:23, NKJV.
Whenever evangelicals bring up the concept of denying ourselves or dying to selves, this is typically in the context of weighing our purity and modifying our behaviors. The intent of church teachings, particularly in our country, is to ensure the modification of our behaviors to make us easier to oppress. Let me provide another perspective.
Richard Rohr explains, firstly, that Jesus’ last name is not Christ. Christ, instead, is what Jesus lived in, and Christ already exists within all humanity. That idea of “Christ” goes by many different names. Most importantly:
“He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:8, NKJV.
What if we took that literally? What if the act of unconditional love is the manifestation of whom Christians call “God?” In that sense, then the character of God becomes a far different interpretation than what religious supremacy says otherwise.
The translation of “God,” “Yahweh,” resembles the human breath. At that token, so does “Allah,” and even the word “God” reaches a sigh of relief. What if we were to believe that God, or Spirit, or Love alone exist because life exists? If we believe in a creator, it would seem logical to think that before the Creator created the universe, all that existed was the Creator. What material would then exist if all that we believe to exist was Creator alone? There is no material. What if we genuinely thought that we are extensions of God, or a Creator by any other name, even if that name is simply “Love” because They created us?
If we took religion as a human witness for unexplained phenomena, we understand religion exists to explain what is beyond comprehension. If we believe in a compassionate, empathetic creator, do you think we would know Their name? White evangelical Christians, heavily groomed by lousy theology, are confident they know Their name and no one else does. Logically, suppose I am to believe in an empathetic creator, which I do. In that case, I think that Creator reaches us empathetically and permits us to use language to describe Them if it ultimately leads to us loving unconditionally. People may drop all labels and believe in nothing to manifest their highest selves and love in a way that empathy demands.
Resources:
Walking the Bridgeless Canyon: Repairing the Breach Between the Church and the LGBT Community by Kathy Baldock
White Lies: Race, Class, Gender and Sexuality in White Supremacist Discourse by Jessie Daniels
13th by Ava DuVernay
Bad Theology Kills by Kevin Garcia
The Universal Christ: How a Forgotten Reality Can Change Everything We See, Hope For, and Believe by Brian D. Mclaren and Richard Rohr
The Color of Compromise: The Truth about the American Church’s Complicity in Racism by Lecrae Moore and Jemar Tisby
The Trauma Chronicles 
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